how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize