Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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