If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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