Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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