i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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