Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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