We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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