Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
