Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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