I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
