2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
