I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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