the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
