I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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