I wish I could teleport
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
