Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
