using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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