my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
