Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
