he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
