I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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