Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
