i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
