Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize