Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize