Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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