Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
