she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
