Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
