You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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