no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
