i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
