Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
