im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
