Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
