Only a mothe r could love this liver
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
