i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
