were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
