Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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