College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
