I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
