dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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