The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
