This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
