So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
