What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
