If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
