Tell her she can't have a vagina
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
