3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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