Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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