I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
