I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
