third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
