OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
