Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
