...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
