hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
