I saw his package. It spoke to me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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