I like my sex mixed with concussions.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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