Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
