$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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