im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
