does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Every concussion has its silver lining
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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