my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
