Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
