Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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