I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
