bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
