you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
