No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
